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Caste system in India - How great is your lineage?

Yesterday, someone held my hand for a moment. It triggered mixed emotions. I dunno whether to curse myself for not following social rules or to shirk aside all emotions.

In the past, one of you allegedly told mom that if I like kids, I should have my own. I never stepped into your house after that dialog. I don't trust mom either. I don't know what part of her life was true and what was just her imagination. She had schizophrenia.

Nevertheless, it has been over a decade since I stepped into your house. I am afraid, you see?! I don't want to get attached to people who are not legally mine. I feel afraid because my upbringing is totally different from that of South Indians.

I just wanted to do "kanya puja", a form of prayer for Mother God's blessings. But you shot allegations at me. And you made Nirmala cry. I still don't have anything against you or your kid. Just that I can't trust you anymore. Forgive me for that. I understand why you reprimanded mom.

South Indians are more suspicious than anyone.

When mom talked about "kanya puja" to Ma Durga's priest at Ameerpet, Hyderabad, he asked a dozen questions. Finally, he said it won't be feasible as their parents would be doubtful as to why would someone be praying to their daughters and offer them gold, clothes, etc. He said they'll be suspicious and think I'd be doing some black magic.

I don't feel bad. Everyone has their own reservations. The thought of "kanya puja" is shelved for now. If anytime, I get to go back to Varanasi, maybe then!!!! That's not a resolve. That's just a desire.

I do think it is time I understood that people with flesh and blood are much different than Mother Goddess. Mother is nir-vikaraya. People with flesh and blood can never be a match to Her Grace.

But emotions are emotions and they keep popping up. After your dialog that I should have my own kids if I like kids, I tried a lot to adopt a child.

The orphanage rules in India are very strict. They wanted me to wait for five years before allowing me to adopt a kid. But then, I gave up.

I came to see someone close not being able to marry his love because she was of lower caste. In such a case, if I adopt a kid, she'll never get acceptance in the so called "Vaishnav Sampradaya". Forget others, even dad won't accept her. Under such case, it would be brutal to adopt a child and subject her to all the venom that you great "vaishnavs" spew with every breathe you exhale.

Better no kids than adopting a kid who'd not even be welcome into your house. If someone dear is not marrying anyone for similar reasons, I can understand and will fully support him.

This rigid "vaishnav is great" mentality needs to go... even if it means sacrificing own happiness. Pretty soon, there won't be any Vaishnavaites left because they think everyone except them is a Shudra. It is not the case.

You are not a Vaishnavaite by birth. It should reflect in your behavior. It doesn't. Your behavior stinks. To hell with Vaishnavaites and to hell with caste system or any other system.

What use is a life that you can't spend with the one you want? Worse still, is it really a life that you spend with some stranger just because she or he happens to be compatible with your caste (or shall I call it your ego?)

Bottomline is, caste system ruined many lives. Also, a Vaishnavaite is no greater than a Shaivaiate or Shakta. One who really loves God, can never differentiate between His creation.

Lord Krishna said in Bhagwad Gita that He Himself doesn't differentiate between a dog and a person who eats dog. It is a different matter that "intellectuals" have interpreted it wrong. I don't care? No. I do care. Just to maintain your false prestige that you are the greatest, you have sacrificed many lives. Open your eyes. Is there any real difference among Vishnu, Shiva, or Devi Ma, except for the perceptions fed to you? Why don't you want to understand?


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